took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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