Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
