No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
