Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
