Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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