There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
