How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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