dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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