Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

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  (480): I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED. (661): Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand. http://tfl.nu/omij
  Replies (16) Good night (3732) Bad night (751)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you left your dildo in my car

  (516): View more from New York

  rules of finders keepers apply

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  (516): you left your dildo in my car (516): rules of finders keepers apply http://tfl.nu/0377
  Replies (20) Good night (3694) Bad night (1426)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.

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  (305): She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning. http://tfl.nu/va2c
  Replies (20) Good night (4333) Bad night (910)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (7198) Bad night (1022)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".

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  (208): She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs". http://tfl.nu/ppqp
  Replies (23) Good night (9061) Bad night (1073)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...

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  (239): I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday... http://tfl.nu/23uc
  Replies (3) Good night (2843) Bad night (856)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

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  (443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz
  Replies (10) Good night (6463) Bad night (1251)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.

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  (717): We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt. http://tfl.nu/sjgj
  Replies (11) Good night (2083) Bad night (1052)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable

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  (319): Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable http://tfl.nu/cclu
  Replies (15) Good night (661) Bad night (4397)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird

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  (908): She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird http://tfl.nu/j88i
  Replies (3) Good night (1968) Bad night (793)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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  (773): What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat. (1-773): Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious. (773): We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru? http://tfl.nu/d3s4
  Replies (7) Good night (1570) Bad night (535)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person

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  (816): I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person http://tfl.nu/5a3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1222) Bad night (535)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.

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  (205): Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict. http://tfl.nu/g96l
  Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (1154)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night

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  (786): I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night http://tfl.nu/4u0f
  Replies (0) Good night (547) Bad night (682)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.

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  (+44): The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/xzp9
  Replies (0) Good night (458) Bad night (233)

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