i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
