Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
