apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
