Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.

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  (248): Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there. http://tfl.nu/llil
  Replies (55) Good night (1384) Bad night (3561)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4359) Bad night (1165)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

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  (920): I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips http://tfl.nu/g3ng
  Replies (6) Good night (3135) Bad night (1123)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

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  (937): She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life. http://tfl.nu/md1r
  Replies (10) Good night (1732) Bad night (5337)
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  (805): View more from California

  My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.

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  (805): My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore. http://tfl.nu/yzqd
  Replies (9) Good night (2212) Bad night (1314)
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  (654): View more from

  And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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  (654): And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out. http://tfl.nu/4u7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2483) Bad night (932)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.

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  (205): I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick. http://tfl.nu/9o5a
  Replies (5) Good night (1793) Bad night (725)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.

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  (615): I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause. http://tfl.nu/2yit
  Replies (8) Good night (1910) Bad night (1123)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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  (859): I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning http://tfl.nu/m43n
  Replies (9) Good night (761) Bad night (2136)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.

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  (352): Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans. http://tfl.nu/fhpi
  Replies (3) Good night (1544) Bad night (640)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.

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  (516): Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram. http://tfl.nu/54ok
  Replies (2) Good night (1123) Bad night (474)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.

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  (732): He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man. http://tfl.nu/spji
  Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (484)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.

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  (630): You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional. http://tfl.nu/yewn
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (401)
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  (876): View more from Jamaica

  Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch

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  (876): Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch http://tfl.nu/u7hs
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (246)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!

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  (802): At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy! http://tfl.nu/f9qt
  Replies (0) Good night (7) Bad night (8)

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