I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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