Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a