Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
