I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
