so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
