Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
