I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
