I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
