sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
