I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
