Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
