that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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