yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
