When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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