I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
