so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
