Got a toothbrush?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
