The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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