Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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