It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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