I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
