You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
