Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
