I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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