all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
