You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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