Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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