Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
