I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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