my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.