you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.