Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
