I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.