"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.