I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
