i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
