I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize