Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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