I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
