NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
