explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
