Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
