I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
