Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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