I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
