I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize