So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
