grandma shit on top of the toilet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
