well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
