put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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