The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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