Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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