I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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