Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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