Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If its not for food we ain't going out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
