I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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