i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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