I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize