chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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