Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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