i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
