my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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