That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
