i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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