My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
