why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
