She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
