I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
