in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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