I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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