butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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