Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
