You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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