Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
