Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
