i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
