The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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