Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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