I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
