so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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