i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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