I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize