the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
