I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
