I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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