The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
