Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
