i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
