hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
